And when you are away.........

To love a wild land firefighter means much more than accepting the life style and obstacles. It is more than just being patient while he is away. It extends further than just yourself. Because while you twiddle your thumbs at home with the kids, whether you are sick, sad, or trying to balance the household responsibilities, he is just as lost in solitude as you are. One thing to understand as the wife of a firefighter is that this is who he is. And I mean this in the sense that it sure takes a special heart to be in his place, just as it takes a special woman to stand by his side. A man that is loyal to his crew and is as hard working as him is someone I will forever deem my hero no matter how many times he denies being one. Digging line for hours, working more over time than one deems possible, and smoking more cigarettes and putting in yet another dip than cancer allows… they live for those moments. Lost in the peak of heat with a soot, snot layered face while they laugh and complain about the 60lb+ pack they carry all day long, they chose this because they love it. The way his eyes light up when he tells me about a roll is a feeling that warms me to my core. The exhaustion they go through is inevitable to complain about, but so is the passion that they carry with them when they are called out of state for another 14 days. Knowing that he is living an adventure that I cannot grant him is a reward that makes it all worth while. Missing him results in tears I cannot contain. Endless moments waiting by the phone. Nights staring at the same stars I know he sleeps under. It is not easy being away from him, but I know that he feels the same way.

So my love while you are away I promise to not only be patient, but love you even deeper. When you are away I will be the support I know you so deeply need. For when you get home I will ensure that you are caught up to speed of what you missed.

Holidays, birthdays, and anything the rest of the world categorizes as a special day will never be just that for the family of a fire fighter. For our time with you are our holidays, our special days. When you are home, our heart has again embraced the warmth it has been missing. My phone will flood with pictures and videos of any first’s of the kids you may have missed. And the kids will fill the palms of your hands with the drawings they worked so hard on the night they couldn’t sleep because we missed you. And my lips will warm your skin with the radiance that has been calling for you since you walked out of the door. I will be the family’s pillar while you are our foundation. When you are away I promise to remind our family of how much you love them, how much you wish them a good day at school. I will be the representation of our family no matter the event, regardless if I am missing you wrapped around my arm. When you are away…know that there are souls that are filled with anticipation, that will unleash with such love the second you are done hibernating.

I admire you for the blisters you come home with. The smoky residue you leave glued to our home. I admire you for busting your ass with that one crew member that annoys the hell out of you. And even on days you literally sit on your ass for hours and wait on the sidelines, I admire you. It takes such an incredible man to be in your place. We chose each other knowing there were circumstances that needed more strength than we ever thought emotionally possible. And from that moment forward I realized that loving you was so easy, so natural, just meant to be. And so loving a fire fighter I feel i can speak for most women, is the most rewarding. strength that we endure as a couple makes every second count. Makes every moment with you the most special. Being away from you will never become easy. And my well of tears behind every good bye will never dry out.

Like I said before, being away from him is not just about me. It extends further. But after every roll, every moment I dwell in boredom without my best friend, my heart is overwhelmed with a bitter sweet joy. He is doing what he loves, being who he is, and being damn good at it! And those two weeks of sacrifice are not just to fulfill his dreams, they are to support ours too. So I say this, being with a man of his type is the biggest reward life has granted me. For I have found strength I never knew I had, emotions I never knew existed, and growth I needed. The mountains he hikes, the ferocity of the flames he faces, and the time he is away will never be the equivalent to how much I simply adore him for being the man he is building himself to be.