Since I was gone, I just saw this in my email. Wanted us all to read what this wife is feeling.
My husband left for work on Tuesday morning and was scheduled
to return home this Sunday the 8th. He just called me and said
that he will be leaving on a strike team at 3AM this morning
(Saturday the 7th) for Northern California towards Mammoth
area (Inyo fire). Several fires broke out up there due to
lightning strikes and they are in need of help. As I heard him
tell me he was NOT coming home and wasn't sure when he would
be back...... my heart sank. You think I would be used to it
by now. But I am not. I need to stop "expecting" him to come
home as scheduled. It's like I am setting myself up to be dis-
appointed. I was looking forward to seeing him and being with
him. As soon as I hear he is part of a strike team, my mind r
aces with "what if's". I go through different scenarios and my
mind doesn't stop. And then there is the news...I hate
watching the news, and hearing them report on the fires they
know nothing about. And then suddenly they say the words that
fill me with so much emotion....
"we are getting reports that firefighters have been injured"....
How could they be so insensitive!...don't they know that our
husbands are there fighting and "we" are sitting at home
clinging to every last word that comes from their mouths. As
much as I hate watching...I am addicted. It is the only source
of information I have until my husband gets a break to call to
give me updates.
With all this commotion cluttering my brain...I calmly say to
him. "I love you and be careful!". He asks me if I will be okay
and tells me to be strong for him. I sense the emotion in his
voice and I fight to hold back my tears. I reassure him that I
will be fine and that he has nothing to worry about (I try to
sound convincing). Everything inside me wants to scream, "NO,
come home... I miss you, I need you and I am sad". But I can't
say that. He can't know right now how I feel. He needs to be
focused on his task. He needs to know that I will be fine.
He reminds me why he loves me and thanks me for loving him. I
soak up his words and savor the moment.
I ask him if he is excited to go and he says it is bitter
sweet. I now sense the excitement in his voice as he tells
me the details of where he is going and what is expected.
He is anxious to get to the fire and work. He then tells me
he is going to pray. We pray together and we end our
conversation with an "I LOVE YOU"
I hope to hear from him soon.
Thanks for listening...I just wanted to share and I am sure
many can relate. God Bless all of you wives out there.
God Bless!
7 comments:
I just had to comment. This is my 31st year as a wildland firefighters wife. I've read all your stories, each touched my life is some way. I saw my husband off at sunrise this morning for his first out-of-state assignment. We live in AZ and the extreme heat has kept them hopping. It isn't any easier to do today, than it was way back when. I still scrub the house like crazy when there's a slight chance he might come home, only to know in the back of my mind that chances are slim. You try so hard to stay strong, but it's always that one little thing that manages to push you over the edge. I must admit, it is easier now, way back when, there were no cell phones, heck he was lucky if he could get to phone and even then it was limited. When our son was little there were no limits on tours, the longest single assignment he's been on was 45 days. We had just moved into a new home and he left the next day. That was hard. When my son was three, we picked my husband up from a long tour, stopped to pick up some "pop" on the way home, my son turned, looked at me and asked "who is that man mom??" OMG, he sees this man who comes around every now and again, only to wash is clothes, spend time with mom and leave. By the way, my son is now an engine foreman and he expects to ship out this week. It's double hard when it's your child. So I can identify with many of you, this is going to be a long season. I'm grateful to have found a site with other people that understand what it's like. By the way, I don't touch the weedeater, but the lawn mower and I do go around and around :)) It definately takes a strong woman to be married to a firefighter, but I wouldn't have it any other way :)) take care and pray they all stay safe, this season is off to a crazy start
Mabs
I definitly can relate to the part where the news media is so insensitive to some of the news they are broadcasting when they reveal that firefighters have been injured. Everytime my husband is out on a strike team I can't help but put on the news 24/7 just to find out the latest on the fire conditions. I sometimes shouldn't view the news so much because my 12 year old son is always watching as well. He is always concerned about Dad when he is gone. Looks like its ganna be a long summer. Thanks for sharing your heart. God Bless to all our Firefighter!
Just wanted to say to the "Story from another wife", that it is actually nice to hear that someone else feels the way I do. I really have no one that COMPLETELY understands what it feels like. I have supportive family and friends, but it is just not the same as having a fire wife who gets it. :)
I have also enjoyed this blog (it makes me feel better about my little antics before he comes home - because I'm not the only wife that does it!!), but I have spent 3 years in a different state while my honey was here in CA fighting so its easy for me to ignore the news and rely on inciweb and the SIT report which is much easier to take and more straight forward - IMHO; and of course his phone calls to me and if his phone doesn't work one of the guys wives will call to let me know whats happening also. ~here's to all of our wildland firefighters!
You took the words right out of my mouth. Sometimes I feel like a bad wife because I get so mad when I hear, "sorry we are getting defered or we are frozen on" yet who am I mad at? And the scrubbing the house before he comes home, ya guilty at that too. We live near an airport where the airtankers are based and my heart sinks every time I see them leave. When he calls I dont dare show him that I am mad I do tell him I miss him but I try to keep it cheerful and dont tell him the sprinkler system broke or one of our four sons got in trouble today, I dont want him to carry any more out to the fireline than he has to. And your right this season has started off with a bang. We are in northern Ca and my husband is a helitack captian, they have already been called to Oregon and not to mention the five or so calls their helicopter goes on.
So as the season progress Iam thankful to have found this site.
Thanks
Karis the helitack wife
I am so glad there are others out there that can relate to my stories. I enjoy passing them on to be posted on this blog. And thank you so much for commenting. I enjoy reading them! Thanks again!
I am glad to know that I am not crazy! i keep thinking that it will get easier but the truth is it does not and it is nice to know that I am a typical wildland Firefighter's Wife.
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