OKAY LADIES,
IT'S TIME TO SHARE SOME WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT TO ANOTHER WIFE. LET'S HELP TO COMFORT HER AS SHE DEALS WITH HER FIRESEASON BLUES.
Hello!
My husband has been part of the Forest Service for 3 years now (or 3 seasons rather).
We got married at an early age and never would have I imagined that we would be spending this much time apart.
My husband has always wanted to be a fireman for as long as I can remember. It was something that he was always working towards by either going to school, getting his EMT license, etc.
The original plan was that he would work for a municipal fire department, and since that plan has yet to come to fruition, he applied for the Forest service for experience. He was originally on a hand crew, where he spent many nights away from home. He was then on an engine, and is now in a hotshot crew.
In so many ways, I knew what I was getting myself into when we got married.
However, I think I miscalculated just how hard it would be.
In the past 3 years, we have not been able to plan a vacation, and have given up plans to spend time together on anniversaries, birthdays, etc.
I always thought that this was something I would get used to, or that it would get easier with time. Unfortunately, I find that it's not the case.
If anything, I find it harder to let go every. Especially because there's so much disappointment involved.
The random hours and times that he gets called. The broken promises involved (even though it wasn't meant to be on purpose). The constant worry and fear.
I live for the random phone calls and the surprise text messages. However, how do you not let your mind wander into the dark place when the phone battery dies? Or how do you not lose it when your heart aches just from missing him so much? Or how do you simply just take a vacation from it all- from your thoughts, from now doing double duty at home, etc.? Thank goodness we don't have kids, and just have 2 dogs. But even that is too much at times because I also have my own career. I think the heart of the matter, at least for me, is simply learning how to balance it all while he's gone. Learning how to not be a mess every he calls. Learning how to easily adjust to those random times that he does get called out.
I am working on easing my contempt at his occupation, because I love him and because this is something that he loves, and plus, what kind of wife would I be if I didn't support my husband? However, with that said, I am still hoping, that after every season, this would be his last season as a wildland fire fighter and that he would be picked up by a municipal fire department, where perhaps the schedule may not be as random.
My husband left for his second fire of the season last Sunday. I am hoping he'll call me to let me know he's okay so I'm not going crazy with worry. I am hoping that for the next fire he gets called on this season, I don't break down at the dinner table like I did this last time. I am hoping that my husband comes home safe. Last night, I tried hard not to dwell on my fear. Yet, it's so incredibly hard since I haven't heard his voice, plus it was also our 4 year wedding anniversary.
10 comments:
You love your husband very much I can see that. With that in mind think of him when he is out fighting fires he needs to be thinking clearly. I have been a firefighter wife for 11 years. My husband told me that when he leaves for a fire and knows I'm sad or upset he worries about me and does not think as clearly as he needs to to keep him self and others safe. Don't stuff your feelings inside and let them eat you up. Find a friend to vent. My husband has been gone for 1 1/2 weeks he missed our 11 year old sons grad., b-day and farthers day. Is it hard yes, but when he calls we just show him he is loved with our words and he feels good and stays focused on his job. Look at the bright side he wants to move on from the forest service and then he wont be gone so much. Pray for him be strong for him show him lots of love when he gets home. Home comings can be wonderful. Our son has made him big signs saying welcome home dad and he loves it. While your husbands away fill your mind with how can I make this home comming wonderful and different from the last. Don't let your mind drift to the what if thoughts they are not healthy. When my husbands gone I like to take that time to do deep cleaning, closets, floors, sofas, paint, rearange. The big joke at our house is what room will be a different color when he gets home. I will pray for you to find peace in Christ. God Bless
blog owner I hope I didn't send you two post. I'm not sure how to do this. I thought the first one didn't go through now I'm not sure sorry.
My husband and I have been together for two years (we just got married a month ago). Anyway, at first I would worry myself sick and would cry all the time then I decided that if I had something to occupy my time and mind while he was gone so, I starting researching my family tree. When he is home I don't look at the stuff but when he is gone I start working on it the minute I walk in the door after work at night and I will work until I can't keep my eyes open. I had tried arts and crafts but I needed something that would keep my mind busy and since I have to concentrate on what I am doing I don't have time to dwell on anything else. Good Luck.
keep your head up it's clear to see you love your husband and to be honset with you that is enough. never think the worst and i kno that is easier said than done i too am a forest service firefighter wife and have been now a total of 8 years (or 8 seasons) enjoy the time you have alone for yourself, your friends and family. you know your husband better than anynoe else and knowing he knows what he's doing keep tthat always at the top of every other thought. HE WILL BE SAFE! we have a 3 year old at home and she just now is realizing "fire season" dadddys gone etc.. so i keep us both busy & happy and we too long for those phone calls make them count don't unload all the bad things that you may be feeling etc.. keep it happy and upbeat they need to think we're good at home so they can stay focused and the trip will end and before you know it they will return home and don't forget ENJOY those 2 mandatory days off all chores need to be on hold hang out & enjoy the time together :) our men have very honerable jobs not so much appreciated as they should be but we know they ROCK! keep your head up enjoy the overtime :)
my thoughts are with you xoxo us firefighter wives gotta stick together "green trucks rule" :)
I have been a firefighter's wife for 5 years. When we met he was structure firefighter and paramedic. He volunteered for anything wildland but didn't go out much. After we had been married 2 years he quit stucture for a job as a hotshot crew chief. It was very hard to get used to but you could just tell he was happier. I think he needs the adventure. A few months back he told me he was thinking of going back to stucture and medical. I did a little happy dance inside. But since he has decided he wants to do a few more years "while his body can still take it." I was definitly bummed but as he left for his first fire this year I watched him do what I call "go into the zone" as he got ready to go. He LOVES this stuff! It makes him feel alive. It's who he is and I love HIM. I'm reading a book that is helping me to understand a little better. It is called, "Wild at Heart" by John Eldridge. Maybe it would help you too.
Merci
My Hubby and I have been together for 5 fire seasons now and people (not other firefighter's wives but "normal people") tell me I am crazy to enjoy some alone time...now don't get me wrong I love my hubby but I know he loves his job and fire season is the time that we get ahead so we can spend all winter playing, and unfortunately you can't "get ahead" without the wonders of H pay and OT...believe me, I breakdown, somedays its over the craziest things - like hearing power tools for instance, or seeing my dogs (we don't have kids yet either) look slightly disappointed that 'Dad' didn't come home for another night. But like the other wives have said, you can't dwell - its not healthy for you or your husband, and they need to have their minds focused on the tasks at hand and not worried that we're worried.
When I get down and out I plan my hubby's home coming meal (or if it happens a lot; a days worth of meals) and I plan how I'm going to surprise him, something new for him or by doing yard work we've been putting off and I concentrate on showing him that I've missed him terribly while he was gone. Unlike some, I have a slight advantage of dealing with this "away-ness". I spent the first 3 seasons in a whole different state, so now the fact that I get to see him every 14-21 days and between fire assignments is a blessing compared to the 8 months we use to endure as a couple. Best of Luck, and keep in mind - we're all here for support!
I have been married for 6 years and my husband has been a firefighter the entire time. The last few years he has moved over to the wildland side and is gone so much more. I have trouble at times dealing with the added responsibility (we have twin 4 year olds and a newborn) and the worries but I know this is just a step in our lifetime and someday we will have unlimited time together. He is doing what he loves to do and he is providing for our family.
It was hard this past weekend because we missed Father's Day. This was our youngest's first Father's Day so we will be having our own when Daddy can come home.
I find that if I take each day one moment at a time, minute at a time then I don't break down. I keep informed as much as I can and just trudge along.
Hang in there, it can be very hard at times. You married your husband because you love him and you find ways to deal with their job!
Thanks to everyone for all your thoughtfulness. I really appreciate it all. After reading all this, and of course emailing back and forth with our lovely blogger, I feel much better about the whole ordeal. Thank you all!
Hi there, I posted in early May. I was a wreck. This is my first season going through this for so long. I am only a girlfriend, not a wife. My boyfriend went out for a month, came back and went back out after a couple of days. Its gotten easier. I have taken the advice I read here and kept myself busy. We do not have any kids either. He had to miss my b-day, our 1 year anniversary and is going to miss 4th of July. We are just going to have to work around it. Just like one of the women said here, he is happiest doing this and it makes me happy to see it. I totally understand what you are going through. I also have also learned that I cannot stress him out, and that it can wait until he comes home. They need our support to stay strong. We are who they look to for that.
Also, I find that I get to catch up on all those chick flicks he rolls his eyes at. hehe.
Hang in there like you are, you are doing a great job!
M
Hello, my fiancé just recently went out on his first fire and I threw a fit right away when he showed up at my job telling me he had to leave in a couple of hours. This is very much a new experience for us, him, me, our children. I have allot of mixed emotions going on right now about it, but mainly I try to keep in mind that this is what his passion is and I need to support him in that as his fiancée. It is very much a moment to moment thing right now. go through the motions of everyday life and keep things as normal for the kids as I can. Glad I found this site:) and to know that I am not as crazy as I thought.
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