Going to the beach

This past week I went to the beach with a CHP friend's wife. They have 8 children and all of them are as sweet as can be. So the story begins here. (you might want to empty your bladder because you'll probably laugh hard)

They picked me up in their 9 passenger van around 8:00am. We stopped for a coffee & some muffins, then headed to the beach. All the way down there, her kids were all talking (not screaming) just talking with each other. The one daughter called my name, and I turned to chat with her, but my ears couldn't "ignore" the other conversations. You know, us women were given that talent of listening to multiple conversations at the same time. (what a gift)
So we got to the beach, and the ol' biddy of a ranger stopped us at the entrance (it was a State Park Beach) and she extended her hand and said "eight dollars". As my friend was getting her money out, the ol' lady said "you don't have more than 10 people in there, do you?" My friend laughed and said "no we have a few babies!" She then takes her old wrinkled fingers and points to a sign that says 10-20 PEOPLE...BUS RATE $50.00 I wanted to laugh at her and say, "are you serious you'd charge us that?" It's not like we have a Hotshot crew or church group....that would make sense. My friend paid her money ($8) and we found a parking spot. As we pulled away, she said "if that old poop was going to charge me $50, I would have backed up and let you and a few of the kids out, and you could've walked in." The next 15 minutes were so funny. I don't even have 1 child, let alone 8, so it's funny to watch how they have this system. Everyone gets out, boogie boards, ice coolers, towels, blankets, chairs, umbrellas and other beach toys dump out of their van. As we were getting ready to close the van, I peeked my head around the corner of the van and saw the baby sleeping peacefully. "Wait" I shouted. "What about the baby?" The oldest daughter walked back to the van and got the baby. Every child (except the baby) carries something or pulled a boogie board with something on it. We also met some other families there who also toted their stuff along. Then two of the younger children say out loud, "Mom, I gotta go poop!" No hiding of the truth there. The mom shook her head and said, "everytime we get to the beach, someone has to go Poop. Must be that ocean breeze!" So the oldest daughter walks up to the women's bathroom to find a sign that read "CLOSED". Now what would you do with 8 kids, 2 adults and other families we met there. My friend walks halfway in the men's bathroom and yells...."ANYONE IN HERE??" This guy shouts back "YES." So myself and one other adult were positioned to stand at each door and not let anymore men in there. I was laughing so hard, because my life is so boring. I've never used a men's bathroom.....honest!! A few minutes later, her kids are jumping around saying "I gotta go Poop, I gotta go..." so she walks back in the doorway and yells again "Anyone in here?" The man must have been very upset now. He yelled back "can't anyone C%#* in private anymore!!" Then he storms out to the bathroom rather fast, I never even saw his face!! So she takes the first few children in, and the daughter yells......."EW he didn't flush!" I'm practically rolling now in laughter. This is so funny!! So now I feel like I have to pee.....you know that sympathy pee. So after the 2nd set of kids go in there, I was relieved by another mom (from my door guarding duty) to go in to the bathroom. At this point of my story, let me share with you that upon entering this horrible place, I could smell urine everywhere. I was trying not to gag (are you gagging?) when I opened the stall door, to find that the toilet never gets scrubbed, like it should. I won't go into details, but you could imagine what my poor eyes saw!! So I did my thing, and noticed NO TOILET PAPER. I guess I should pause my story while you gag!!! So I yelled to the daughter who was standing like a monitor in there to bring me some baby wipes. YUCK....that's all I can say! I walked over to the sink, which reeked of urine, too. Get this, no soap, no paper towels (not really suprising for a men's bathroom I guess). So we are all gathering outside with baby wipes and water from the little sand shower. This ranger walks up to my friend and says "Mam, the women's bathroom is open now." She turned to the innocent man, and her eyes about popped out of her head, when she said "gee thanks now that we're all done." So in a time period of 15 minutes about 15 of us, used the bathroom, used the baby wipes and grabbed our loads again to find a spot to sit. Of course as we rounded the corner and the little eyes saw the water, they dropped their stuff and ran to the water. I asked my friend how she keeps track of all her children. She said she's constantly doing a head count......the baby of course was with us. So we spread out our blankets, umbrellas, chairs and coolers. Kinda like a dog marking it's territory. A few hours later, I fell asleep in my chair (partially under the umbrella). I had put on sunscreen (SPF 50) twice since we'd been there. However, unknown to me until that evening at home, I had only put it on in certain areas. I had 2 bright red lobster streaks on my legs. My thighs above my knees were lobster red, and a part of my arm between my armpit and elbow. The comments at biblestudy the next night and from my family made me feel like a dork!! Wait let me back up. So now we are toting our things back to the van, with sleepy & hungry children. We load up in the van, and start to drive away. Someone yells, "wait, ___ is not in the car." We turned to look and running out of the bathroom towards the moving van was the oldest daughter. The look on her face was pretty panicked. We stopped the van and she hopped in. Now we do a head count, all are present and accounted for. Driving down the road, one of the kids in the far back yells, "Mom, I'm hungry, do you have any chips left?" So she reaches between the driver seat & passenger seat to grab a bunch of chips. Then she starts hucking them back and kids are yelling...."No I want that one. Ouch!" I was laughing until I heard the boy in the far far back yell "do you have any more waters." Oh dear, I thought, please don't thrown those water bottles back!! She yelled to them "NO." I joked with her and said, "great your family shows up to church tomorrow with bruises from flying chips and water bottles, how would you explain that." She just laughed at me. Most of the children fell asleep on the way home...............aw quiet!!! She dropped me off and then upon entering my home with burning skin, is when I noticed that only parts of me got red. I caked on the aloe that night and slept under the ceiling fan. My tan lines are great now........only parts of my leg, and parts of my arms.
So that was my fun day with the Family of 8 (kids) at the beach. I have been invited to go again, but will wear longer pants and slather the sunscreen on from head to toe, every inch.

Whew, what a day. Makes me tired just thinkin' about it!!!